The trouble is at home, and the paradise was in Hurleyville, NY. I’ve written in the past (here at riverreporter.com/stories/mercury-rising,5559) about the alleged weird planetary happenings that allegedly affect those of us on planet Earth—and elsewhere in the solar system, I assume. Allegedly.

On the heels of what could be described as the worst 10 days of my life, it’s happening again.

 “We refer to these periods as times when Mercury is in apparent retrograde motion” (it’s an illusion, folks) the almighty Google informs me. “To those who practice astrology,” the uncredited article states, “these times in particular are associated with confusion, delay and frustration.”

Well, that pretty much sums it up. I did get out over the weekend, even though I wanted to stay in with the covers pulled over my head. I had made a commitment months ago (before my life turned upside down) to attend the Sullivan County Chamber of Commerce Passport to Paradise 2023 Spring Fundraiser, which was held in the stunning ballroom of the Hurleyville Performing Arts Centre (HPAC). So I went.

The invitation promised “authentic Polynesian fare, specialty cocktails, a live island entertainment Floor Show, and dancing under the stars.” What it did not promise was sheer havoc under the stars in the form of Mercury doing what the planet allegedly does, but... Let’s just say I’m having issues and leave it at that.

There were scads of women wearing gorgeous gowns, men looking dapper (I wore a Hawaiian shirt), and the ballroom looked amazing, replete with tiki torches and beautiful hula girls welcoming guests while delicately placing the requisite leis ‘round our necks, as we boarded the pop-up cruise ship bound for paradise.

I was looking forward to seeing the floor show, having never been to an actual luau, and was not disappointed as the décor and entertainment were provided by Perry Gips and his team from Party Master.  

The show delivered fire dancing, a dude juggling flaming batons, audience interaction, and was (IMHO) highly entertaining. The crowd went wild and I took more than three hundred photos.

I was peripherally aware that the alleged planetary mumbo-jumbo had already commenced (4/21-5/14) because my computer informed me before having a meltdown, which is ongoing as I write these words. It even has a frightening Wikipedia definition known as “The Blue Screen of Death.” That’s officially a “stop message,” described as “a critical error screen” displayed by Microsoft Windows operating systems in the event of a “fatal system error.” Oy.

 What that means here at home is that while attempting to process said photos, my computer has crashed no fewer than 28 times, and I’ve been unable to save more than a dozen pics to date. Thankfully, I had snapped some on my phone (which is on the fritz as well) so am presently scrambling to write these words, edit some photographs, and scribble a few notes about the Chamber’s fundraiser, but Mercury has something else in mind.

“When Mercury is retrograde,” another anonymous online source informed me, “plans are rarely ever set in stone, miscommunications abound, and technological mishaps ensue.

Don’t rely on technology…” it says in conclusion, and just trails off as written with what’s called (in the business) an “ellipsis—three evenly spaced periods used to indicate omission of words, or suggest an incomplete thought.”  

“More like an incomplete column,” I mumbled to myself, since I no longer have my precious pooch to complain to. Trouble in paradise? I’ll say. Hope your week is going more smoothly than mine. “Refrain from starting anything new,” the Google warns. Alrighty then. I’m going back to bed.

For more on the Sullivan County Chamber of Commerce and what it can do for you, visit www.catskills.com.