my view

Ripping with Cora

By CORA RIPPLE
Posted 7/23/20

I have no qualms about the River Reporter’s front-page headline, “Tusten Goes to the Dogs,” on a recent edition. This is a local newspaper and it needs to address local issues. We …

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my view

Ripping with Cora

Posted

I have no qualms about the River Reporter’s front-page headline, “Tusten Goes to the Dogs,” on a recent edition. This is a local newspaper and it needs to address local issues. We are bombarded on all sides about national and international issues, most of which we can do nothing about.

As to the inconsiderate and disgusting people who leave their pets’ detritus (a polite word for poop), they are probably akin or the same ones who throw their detritus (love that word!) out their vehicle windows. Also akin may be inconsiderate people (I would like to use a more descriptive word, but not in a family newspaper) who party four hours beyond the 11 p.m. noise deadline, until 3:30 a.m. screaming and playing very loud music.

As to the initial issue, hidden cameras and fines might be the answer. The funds could be used to maintain Tusten’s pristine nature and fix the roads, like they really need it!

As for the partiers, you will need to sleep off your excessive everything. That’s the time for a loud concert featuring Bon Jovi, AC/DC, Lover Boy, etc, etc. Back atcha!

As for name changes, the Dixie Chicks have denied their heritage, and they are no longer chicks. Rename “The (_____) Hens.” You fill in the blanks.

When Aunt Jemina, Uncle Ben, etc. etc, are gone, I will not buy the re-named products and I have spoken to others who feel the same. No blanks to fill in here!

Walmart is testing total self-checkout in its stores. I will have no problem boycotting Walmart as I have done it before, due to their treatment of a good and loyal employee I know. There’s an old store near us, now closed, but the sign is still there. “If we don’t have it, you don’t need it! “If I can’t find something elsewhere than Walmart, I don’t need it. A discount? For doing your own check out!”

Police protection—do you really want to live in an area without it? Gun sales are rising. I know of a young couple who bought a gun. They took a training class to learn to store it safety, maintain it (clean, oil) and use it as necessary. An older couple I know is planning to do the same. How many of these other buyers are doing that?

How about the older woman living alone who felt she needed a gun for protection? The gun is on her nightstand top, but she’s concerned about having a loaded gun; the ammo is in the drawer. Now does she really think the perp busting in her house is going to wait while, with shaking hands, she tries to load that gun? I hope that she has a baseball bat, too. She can whack him in the knees, hopefully, have time to call 911—but, wait, no police—no one’s coming. Next step, whack him on the head. Drag him to the edge of the woods and pour some honey on him. When he wakes up, the bears will be arguing about who gets what. He’d better be able to run real fast. Now he’s got to explain to his honey why he’s covered with honey.

I used to write a column “Ripplings” for the Wayne Independent. Some people could have cared less, some enjoyed, some made fun of it—but one woman became incensed about a column I wrote. When I wrote about flying saucers, people made fun of me. A woman from Pleasant Mount, PA wrote in and said these people should spend a few nights up her way. My boss didn’t believe in them, and I was hoping one would land on his lawn and scorch his grass.

The irate woman went off on me, but I believe I had mentioned drinking in the column, and not in a jocular manner I’m sure. She let out a triade against me and closed by saying she was canceling the paper.

So, I will close my tirade before someone cancels this paper. I love this newspaper, and so do the people I share it with. Aha—Christmas gift idea! I particularly enjoy “In My Humble Opinion” by Jonathan Charles Fox. I love dogs, and I love Dharma. All dogs go to heaven (No Dharma! Not for another 10 to 12 years.) And if they don’t I’m not sure if I want to either, even if I do qualify. Married 59 years to the same man? Should look good on my resume? 

Cora Rippling resides in Equinunk, PA with her husband of 59 years, Jacob. She wrote a column for the Wayne Independent back in the day.

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