Snarky newcomer opines, basely

Let it be resolved

By LEAH CASNER
Posted 1/22/25

I am writing this before anything happens that may occur related to an event scheduled for January 20. Rather than forecasting whatever that may be, I am staying within my timeframe and returning the …

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Snarky newcomer opines, basely

Let it be resolved

Posted

I am writing this before anything happens that may occur related to an event scheduled for January 20. Rather than forecasting whatever that may be, I am staying within my timeframe and returning the currently future us to this month’s beginnings—“now”—and this year’s resolutions. 

Resolution. I only made one.

Obviously, I could not resolve to have a dry January. In anticipation. 

Thank goodness I did not resolve to not put my foot into my mouth. Because on the very first day of the year I would have broken it—the resolution, not my foot.  

When a TV station cut off a live presidential address to show an ad for their newscasting, I got indignant. I quickly got online and sent off an angry note: “how dare you!,” throwing in for good measure that their advertising slogans were meaningless, borderline offensive and just plain stupid. 

To the wrong station. Which promptly answered and graciously pointed that out to me. 

When I realized my mistake, I went to the website for the station I meant to gripe to; its site was much less clear on how to send them a comment but, determined to be heard, I persevered. I eventually found an email for customer service, copied and pasted my complaint and clicked “send.”

The station has not replied, and is continuing to run those dumb ads. The commercials feature nonreporter weather girls pretending to dash about town gathering news, but mainly fiddling with their hairstyles. Their hair is very like the style the women sucking up to the twice and future impeachee adopt (1): parted in the middle, nearly to the waist-long, pulled forward over shoulders and slightly waved. What I wanted when I was, oh, 12-ish. 

Also, it’s good I didn’t swear to avoid hypocrisy. Rummaging around the local restaurant and otherwise (café, dining club, pattisserie, diner, tavern, cidery, tapas, etc.)’s menus, and snortingly thinking just how absurd and expensive some of these items are, I am nonetheless trying to copy their recipes, even if I’m not quite sure I can identify the ingredients.

My extremely limited self-knowledge assures me that my cooking efforts will never reach the heights of “smoked yogurt with local honey infused with the correct harmonic vibrations of the universe,” though I have consumed soda that was. Infused with correct vibrations, that is. Which are either 432 mhz or 852 mhz, or perhaps something else. The internet is uncertain on this point.

When I googled to try and find that particular soda, I found quite a world of options as well as an Instagram feed of a factory producing such vibratory beverages, prominently including a photo of a worker with his sanitary mask carefully scrunched beneath his nose. I’m just a tad bit skeptical about the scientific knowhow of this company.  

I am also not going to “do the work,“ whatever it may be. Nor shall I try to be demure and mindful, but will continue with being my usual vulgar and rash. 

What did I resolve this year? To make a rather drastic change: I’m going to add some navy blue leggings to my usual rotation of gray and black. 

(1) See: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/20/style/kristi-noem-teeth-trump-vice-president.html

tv, station, snarky newcomer opines basely, snob, dry january, new year, resolution

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