You have no control over other people’s actions.  But you do have total control over your response. Someone else can’t upset you unless you empower them to.  

“They make me so mad,” “They make me so upset” and “They make me so unhappy,” are statements based on the false premise that other people have power over your emotions.

Don’t empower others to upset you.  Don’t make excuses that justify your becoming upset.  Comments such as “I have every right to be upset” don’t help you.  Anger, bitterness and resentment are all self-destructive reactions that cause you a great deal of harm.

You obviously don’t have to like, agree with or condone what other people do.  But you allow other people to control you when you react to them by getting upset.  Although people do things that are upsetting, you don’t have to become ensnared.

You stop empowering people to upset you by taking responsibility for, and control of, your response to others.  Your response is up to you.  It’s independent of anyone else’s actions.  You have no control over other people’s actions; you only have control over your actions.

Cutting free from this emotional entanglement begins by recognizing that you are in control of your thoughts, emotions and behavior.  Make a commitment to yourself to stop empowering others to upset you.

The next time someone does something that would normally upset you, say to yourself, “I will not empower this person to upset me.”  This strategy short-circuits the automatic reaction you are used to having.  It does not make issues requiring your attention disappear.  It gives you a clear-headed response, which is the best way to handle problems.

Becoming upset, although a normal reaction to problems, does not benefit you.  Your judgment is clouded and your perspective becomes distorted when you are emotional.  You make better decisions when you are calm, collected and rational.  Sound decisions are essential for solving problems.

You won’t change others.  They are who they are and they do what they do.  There are even some people who intentionally attempt to upset you.  If they know you well, they say and do things specifically designed to set you off.  They gain perverse pleasure from your distress.

Your stress level will be significantly lowered when you stop allowing others to upset you and when you stop trying to change others.  You are responsible for how you respond to others.  Don’t make excuses or place blame.

When it comes to a situation that would normally upset you, try a new approach: Recognize and acknowledge what has occurred.  Then you can objectively formulate what course of action you should take, if any, in response.

There are many circumstances in which it is appropriate to not respond.  These are situations that don’t matter in the long run.  For example, you don’t need to respond to idiotic comments.  Ignore behavior and statements designed to annoy you.  You don’t have to react just because someone acts.  

In addition, let stuff go that you have no control over.

When it comes to issues that do matter, and over which you have some control or influence, determine your objective.  Your objective should be obtainable, relevant and worth your time and effort.  Achieving your objective should yield positive benefits that improve your life.

Negative objectives such as getting even, teaching someone a lesson or retribution harm you when they are attempted or achieved.  Your goal is to make circumstances better, not worse.  Empowering others to upset you puts you on a negative path.

It doesn’t matter what other people say, think or do.  Your thoughts and actions are what matter.  Stay on your path.  Don’t empower others to upset you.

Bryan Golden is the author of “Dare to Live Without Limits.”  Contact him at Bryan@columnist.com or visit www.DareToLiveWithoutLimits.com 

Copyright 2025 Bryan Golden and used with permission.