New Year’s resolutions are commitments we make to our self. While there is some magic to the New Year, being successful with a resolution takes more than midnight magic. To fulfill a resolution we need to challenge our self. We need to take on the job of reworking how we work.

What are we doing or believing that is keeping us from success? We often blame our failures on externals: not understood, too much interference, not enough time. Usually, though, the problem resides within. How deeply will we delve into our self to get to the goal? Are we willing to be disrupted?

Thus, resolutions are confrontations with our self. Between the hope and the goal is a vast chasm filled with our inner demons. We fantasize leaping across and not facing our fear and shame. But having an encounter with our self is the source of our power.

Common resolutions have to do with how we take care of our self: weight and exercise. Both goals require persistent encounters with our tendencies to avoid our self. For me, I overeat when I am anxious about expectations. I take comfort and numbness from eating. Thus, my ability to succeed with dieting is disrupted by my own demon. I feel the anxiety well up, simultaneous with the idea that eating is the thing to do. When I slow down, breathe, reconnect with who I am, I feel the possibility of choice. When I remember who I am, that I am an energetic expression, my craving falls into the back ground.

As we begin to work with our resolution, we need to be kind and non-judgmental. Judgments reveal our lack of understanding of the process of change. Judgments are inaccurate expectations, believing that change is a straight line. Change is a zig-zag that needs smart management to keep us from giving up, blaming, and feeling like a failure. Each zig reveals a new aspect of the challenge; each zag requires more of us. If we appreciate what the resolutions is teaching us, we are inspired along the way.

We are not the sum of our successes and failures. We are neither good nor bad. This is the biggest challenge: to remember who we really are. We are conscious awareness, the energy that underlies all existence. This means we can encounter our challenges without judgments and with compassion for our self. If the goal is to connect with our energetic reality, then we can step around our limited identifications.

Here’s the other challenge with resolutions: fulfilling a resolution leads to change, which seems like a good thing. Except that as a species we do not easily adapt. Deep change disrupts our psychological balance. With some changes we re-stabilize quickly. Other, more profound changes leave us feeling disoriented. Who are we to our self? Common responses to destabilization are depression, anxiety and the activation of addictive behaviors.

Change disrupts our internal organization. We are not causally put together. Our psychological self is the result of the challenges and successes we have faced. We are arranged to do the best we can under our particular circumstances. Think of a three-dimensional puzzle. If one piece is removed, it has the potential to disrupt the balance of the structure. If several pieces are shifted, the structure collapses.

With change we need time to integrate. Integration is the process of ripening, allowing us to mature into our next configuration. We need to build new psychological structures and brain synapses. So if we take a leap forward and find our self teetering, we need to slow down, find our natural balance, rely on comfort and nurturing. Remember, if this change were easy, we would not have made a resolution. We would have just done it.

Throughout the year our resolution gives us focus. We witness how we develop as we gain mastery and go deeper into who we are. We create our own good fortune with our resolution.

[Dr. Deborah Chandler is a psychologist in private practice in South Fallsburg, NY. She also writes a blog, “The Art of Being,” for The River Reporter; follow her posts on our website (www.riverreporter.com or www.riverreporteronline.com).]